With tears now gone, I have no signal to the outside
That I am drowning on the inside
Breathing normal but my beats are skipping
No one can see that my heart is ripping
Feeling alone but I’m surrounded
My mind keeps drifting, I can’t stay grounded
Guess I’ll stay here for a while
Imagining your smile
I can feel your hugs and your warmth around me
Millions of people down here yet you’ve found me
I’ll stay in my thoughts as long as I need
Pretending I’m present since no one can see
Looks like I’m here but I’m with grief…
If you have lost someone you love while pregnant or during your journey of motherhood, please know that are not alone. You are allowed to feel sadness, loneliness, pain, anger, and any emotion that comes with your grief and still be a great mother to your babies. Allow yourself to be human even when it feels like you must be a superhero. Grief can feel very lonely so try to make sure you have a good support system or at least one person you can talk to when your to overwhelmed. You’re doing a great job, take one day at a time and everything is going to be okay. You got this mama!
Now that I am halfway through my first pregnancy, I wanted to share a little about how your second pregnancy can feel a lot different from your first and share some of the differences I have been experiencing so far. I found out very early that I was pregnant and this time around the symptoms started immediately for me, I would have to run to the bathroom every few minutes and that’s how I knew something was up.
People would tell me all the time prior that every pregnancy is different and that you can try to compare them but there is usually something that will stand out that is different. With my first pregnancy I didn’t start to show where it was visible to others until I was about 4 months. I could see it and know it was there, but I was able to cover it with loose fitted blouses and sweaters until I was ready to announce. With my second pregnancy I was showing at 5 months pregnant, I believe it was just bloat at the time, but it was poking out to where others could see it and not just me. I could not believe it. There was no hiding this second pregnancy at all. I was told this is due to your abdominal and uterine muscles being more laxed since they have already stretched before. My first pregnancy I was extremely nauseous and sick the entire first trimester, throwing up every single day to the point where I lost 15 pounds. It wasn’t just in the morning either it was any time of day, and it was awful. This time around I still got nauseous and did a good amount of puking the first trimester, but the puking was not as bad as the first time at all.
I felt more tired the second time around in the beginning. I also can blame that on chasing around an almost two-year-old, there were times and still are times where I just want to sit down in one spot and do nothing for a little while but often with a little one running around there is always something you need to get up for. Whether it be them asking for milk, snacks, ripping off their pamper or trying to get into something they shouldn’t. If you have any help at all make sure to utilize it and enjoy some resting moments to yourself. Try your best to sleep when they are sleeping or if you can’t sleep at least do something small for yourself like take a warm shower or binge some shows, anything to help you relax.
Once the second trimester began, I started to feel right back to my normal self and was still amazed at how much bigger I looked compared to the first time. One thing I noticed right away is that my belly is also much lower this time around which causes me to feel a lot of pressure on my pelvic, pressure that I didn’t feel until the third trimester with my first. This has been uncomfortable and so I am thinking about finding a belly band to hopefully give me some relief. The pressure also makes you run to the bathroom a lot and makes some of your normal daily movements or activities a little bit tougher and slows you down. Something I’m hearing a lot though is that all this discomfort is going to pay off because my second labor experience may be a lot quicker due to my body already being prepared and loosened up more than it was the first time. Remind yourself daily that all this discomfort is going to be so worth it when you see your baby looking up at you and when you see your first child bonding with their new sibling.
Telling everyone I was pregnant was such a joy and having all the love and support is helpful in helping ease your mind into the huge transition. I do feel like the first time your pregnant everyone around you that cares may be overly protective of you checking on you every day and the second time they will still check but maybe not as often. Its not because they don’t care they just know your more seasoned and experienced now. As far as your own emotions you’re probably going to feel a lot less anxious the second time around. My first pregnancy I was anxious about everything, and everything had to be perfect before my little one got here, this time around I am much more laxed and taking my sweet time with a lot of things. I would be scared to eat a bunch of different things and just stressing myself out the first time and this time I’m just happy to finish my first child’s leftovers. I do spend a bit of time daydreaming about how my two kids are going to get along, wondering how my first child will handle the change since we have such a close bond and I try to imagine how I’m going to be with them as a mother of two. I think about how I’m going to split my time between two children, set routines, find time for myself, and just have a system that makes sense for all of us. The thoughts can get overwhelming and there are highs and lows in all of it, but I know we will get through it and do what works best for our family.
I look forward to feeling more experienced this time around, I have been breast feeding for almost two years and I know my journey won’t be the same with baby number two, but I at least feel more confident this time. I feel more at ease thinking about the caring part of things and I just want to encourage other moms to get to this space too. I am of course nervous about delivery and hopeful everything will go well but at least we are more prepared for what to expect and know how to handle things better. You have done it; your first baby is doing amazing and you’re going to do just as good with your new arrival too.
You’re going to be a mommy of two and this time when a lot of things come your way, you’re going to know exactly what to do and will probably shock yourself with how much you already know. You got this mama enjoy your growing family.