The mixed emotions you feel when your kid turns one

The mixed emotions you feel when your kid turns one

My daughter Marley is turning one years old on the 10th of this month and I am excited for her and all her growth and milestones she has achieved but I cannot seem to figure out why I feel like crying.  It just seems like it has gone by way too fast for me. I feel like I was just pregnant anxiously waiting for her arrival and excited to meet her. I feel like I was just on my way to the hospital ready to have her. I know people say all the time that it flies by and boy were they right. My baby girl is growing up so quickly and becoming a toddler.

The first time we laid eyes on her it was the most magical moment of our lives. I cried like a baby and her dad said “Wow I knew you would be cute but not this cute” and we laughed. It melted my heart because she truly was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I could not stop staring at her, I stared at her while she was awake, I stared at her while she slept and here, I am today still staring at her. Those first few weeks bringing her home from the hospital were exhausting figuring out when to get sleep and dealing with the healing process after giving birth, but every single moment was worth it. To have this beautiful little being love and need me so much it felt so amazing. I exclusively breast fed so waking up every 2 hours to feed and bond with her made me feel so needed and gave me a sense of purpose I had never known.  

Next thing you know she was one month old and so I started taking the milestone pics celebrating every month and before you know it, she was six months and now about to be a year. Her six months celebration we had a little half birthday party with immediate family. It was a lot of fun and I just could not believe how big our baby girl was getting. Marley’s bubbly, energetic and silly personality started to really shine through at about three and a half months. I remember I kept saying wow I did not know babies could have all this personality. She just has this spirit about her, full of life and excitement. She is always laughing, dancing and singing. She gets very excited over her favorite toys and shows. She would reach a lot of her milestones ahead of schedule and is just always so curious and eager to learn.

It feels great to know that even with all the stress in the world over the pandemic and a million other things she seems to be completely unaffected by it all. I was worried about how she would be around other children or groups since she does not spend much time outside of the house, but she is a social butterfly and does not seem to be bothered by it one bit. Once the weather is warmer, I am excited to bring her to the park socially distanced from everyone and just explore with her. I want to get her to the zoo, the store and maybe a museum since she has not been anywhere outside of the park, grandparents houses and the doctor’s office.

She is starting to do a lot of toddler like things like throw a fit, throw her food, touch whatever she can and just have mommy and daddy chasing her around. Sometimes I look at her and I am like “Where is my little baby that I brought home from the hospital?” Thankfully, she is still pretty attached to her mommy and loves our cuddles and bonding time and I hope it stays this way. Even though I fuss about her keeping me up at night all night sometimes I know I am going to miss these days, so I am trying to make sure I stay as present and, in the moment, as possible. I am making lists of all her favorite shows, foods and anything else I can think of and I am taking a ton of pictures and videos to look back on. I am so grateful and thankful to have such a beautiful, happy and healthy little girl and watching her grow is seriously the biggest joy of my life, but I still have a small part of me that is sad and wants her to stay my little baby forever.

I sometimes just want to grab her and say “Hey slow down baby girl” but then I see her reach another new milestone and I am the proudest mommy I can be. This mommy role has its share of emotional roller coasters. I am so excited to celebrate her first birthday with our immediate family and celebrate this amazing being we have been blessed with. I am excited to see what this new year will bring and to see all the new things she learns to do. At the moment she says a few small words and I cant wait for her to start saying more. Since she loves singing la la la so much I always joke and say she’s going to just start out immediately singing full song lyrics. We are going to continue to shower her with so much love and cheer her on with every single step and milestone she has. We are so proud to be her parents.

Keep growing baby girl you are doing great!

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